Lumber
That’s just the way it is
The pain again
And again
The stain on my brain
Begging the strain
Stretching the train
Of thought
Not
Igniting distraught
Blood clot
Lost thought
Argue inside as I slide
Past so fast
So gone
So long
What was that song?
That song...
My heart
My brain
Strain to catch
Before the detach
...meant
Cement
The discontent
Lone...
Ly thoughts
Ly flot...sam
Floating by
I try to latch
The detach
But it slides so fast
Into the past
I cast and re-cast
My line
Trying to intertwine
With anything
Relevant
Coherent
Subsequent
Spent.
I am spent.
Unexpectedly resent the present
Wanting the past
To last
Before I crash
Into who I am
Now
My now
But not my wanna be
Me
I crash
Back into slumber
My body is lumber
My soul encumbered
By the present
I resent
Flying Feathers
I do my best thinking
Behind the keys
After the “we’s”
All laid rug bare
For us to stare
At our lack of care
Bold, giddy and brazen
Life bright and amazing
Mouths kissing and praising
Until life sets in
Tempted with sin
The Devil grin
We stop with the happy
Answers short and snappy
Beautiful becomes crappy
We lose “us”
With little fuss
Not even a cuss
We hurry on
New lives live on
Pain still strong
I reach at night
To grab you tight
Gone with the light
Regret, debate, berate
You were great
How did I hate?
No answers still
I dream uphill
Ignore the chill
Your shadow strong
With this song
I make it gone
My next heartbreak
I didn’t fake
The lack of stake
I wasn’t there
To really care
I stayed for her sake
Did she know?
She sure did glow
No, she didn’t know
And now I’m left
Slightly bereft
My heart is cleft
The dents and dings
In it still stings
But it still sings
On odd occasion
Abrasion or vibration
Both the same station
I fly
At night
I fly
Low and high
I fly
And I fly
I land and take off
And land and take off
And land and take off
Each easier than the last
Or is it harder
It doesn’t matter
Because I fly
Maybe with you
Or because of you
No not with you
I breathe deep
I feel the strength in my muscles
Stretched taught
Every ounce focused
On
My
Flying
Forward
And then
I
Drop.
I don’t crash.
I don’t hurt
It’s a dream
On the inside.
I wake with scraped knees
And feathers
In
My
Teeth.
The Struggle Is Real
Sub space. Mind fuck. Sensory overload. Sensory deprivation. Losing touch.
Separating my flesh from my fantasy. Stripping down and stepping up. Clinging dearly to....nothing.
Fighting desperately to want to offer my intestinals to the only bidder. Craving the fiery touch of mindless possession. Once more into the breech, boys...
To feel it all at once. The sudden knowing of self. There you are. I am. A slippery ball of molten together. No other existence.
No taboos. Hand gripping wrist grasping soul. Jacob’s ladder. The daisy chain of dark. Soular circle jerk. All for one and one for them all.
Sing me to sleep as we slide into the dark. Wrap your skin around mine as we descend into the shadows of heaven. Taste the salt of the satisfaction only you can give me.
Slumber sweet my other.
Ashes
Ashes to ashesAnd up from the undertowYou’re only as goneAs far as you goThe circles of lifeSwallow you wholeThe pressure insideMakes diamonds from coalThe river of StyxBeckons you nearYour choices are muddyNothing is clearDriving in coffinsIs a foolhardy dreamYour life is togetherRipped at the seamsReach for the starsBut don’t fall to the skyYour soul will be leftWondering why
Tired of me
Don’t wanna be
Me
I wanna slip
Trip
Dip
Into new skin
A new begin
Shed my shy
And try
To fly
The sky
So pure
A cure
For this life
Rife
With strife
And struggle
My bubble
Of rubble
I wanna start new
Take 2
Shake the mistakes
Remakes
Become all
Walk not crawl
Grasp the brass
Contain the sass
Start to win
Start to begin
I (Marks)
Reminisce
Daydream
Sweat
Taste
Hands
Eyes
Your chest
The way you
Toss me
Ravished
Enveloped
Our tongues
Danced
Tangled
Twisted
My legs
Spread
For you
Toes curled
Thoughts lost
Hotel rooms
Beds
Water
Seeing through you
To you
Knowing
Before you
Your arms
Wanted
Still so wanted
Muscle
Flesh
Sinew
The only one
Who made you
The only one
I wanted
So hot
Your name
My lips
Surrounded
Constantly
Yearning
For you
To
Make
Your
Mark
Hard
Not to.
For you.
Inside.
Inside out.
Sweat.
Nights.
To hold on.
To let go.
Dreams.
Realities.
And fast.
Boiled.
Edged.
Lines.
Skin.
Sun.
Times.
Choices.
Words.
Wired.
Lipped.
Swallow.
Bed.
Road.
You make me want to be soft.
Curl up inside you.
Your arms.
Your chest enveloping me.
Your smell a cloud I bury myself inside.
Blood melting into blood.
Eyes burning into soular eclipse.
Aching for the trace of your fingers
On the back of my hand
My leg
Brushing my hair back
Along my cheek
Between my lips
My soft lies dormant
Slumber indefinite
Coma most
Sloth
I lay
Waiting.
For You Because I Need You
My dearest,
your fingers on the back of my neck,
soft
soothing
tracing my whole life
of longing
lost
searching
for one person
who needed me
loved me
unafraid
completely
head on
Your eyes
searching mine
so soft
deep
challenging
asking
wanting so much more
yearning
aching
like mine
floating between mine
unspoken
locked into us
We are
dancing together
our hands held
soft
gripping hard
not letting go
finally found
we don't need
words
but
we do
we dance
around them
up to them
off of them
the steam of them
intensifying
our hearts
we
need
our
hearts
Not By Much
Your breath in my ear
reassures me you hear
you're there
the end of the line
you see how your story ends
flat on your back
people floating
in and out of view
phones ringing
time playing tricks
yesterday
a kaleidescope of faces
appearing today
asking questions
ludicrous pointlessness
drift off
leave them to chatter
legs shake you awake
better than any alarm clock
pill time
no one else awake
no energy to call
pain
gotta wait
and wait
innards twisting
cavorting in cancerous rapture
at least you can still light a smoke
inhale
sweet relief
doesn't taste the same
but the habit perisists
not many left
coffee gone
taste killed that off
tv gone
can't see
music
love music
still got that
yeah
seven bridges road
running back to saskatoon
real music
so cold
everyone keeps telling you you're not cold
peeling back layers of quilts
showing you hot water bottles
heating blankets
as if that will convince you you're not cold
they should try climbing into your skin
then they'll know what cold is
this is Yukon cold from the inside out
visits
more visits
well meaning
talk about God
yeah, I know about God
I'm good with The Man
no bitterness
drift off
talk over me
I"m already gone
that's ok
that's my niece
she takes pictures
don't mind her
I mind her, but I don't say that
I know it's cause I'm gonna be a slab of meat in short order
everyone's gotta get their cut
He lies
breathing
My gratitude for every breath
fills my own lungs
I don't want to let go
He's earned it
but I haven't
I need more time
I've just gotten him back
by proxy
this is better than nothing
but not by much.
The Surreality Is...
-you're dying as I type this... you're body is shutting down and it's all I can think about. Your death is consuming me from the inside out. My heart is being chewed by the monster that chews your body too quickly and yet too slowly all at the same time. Breathing hurts us both.
-I waited 3 years for you to look at me that way. And then you did. I captured it all and now I look at it every night. I replay those two hours over and over and over in my mind, my dreams each night wondering why you didn't look at me like that 3 years ago. Wondering what you were thinking during those 2 hours. Why you didn't say out loud what you were saying with your eyes.
-the elephant in the room is growing to elephantine size. The pulsing wall of desire that cocoons us whenever we are within 4 feet of each other is palpable to everyone within reach. My poem stands unspoken. The game of chicken is getting more dangerous than either of us expected.
I haven't been this physically exhausted in 12 years.
Anatomy Of A Mental Deconstruction
She presents well to all and sundry.
Depressed and a downer, but otherwise functional.
Relatively normal.
They don't know.
They don't guess.
The thoughts.
The pain.
The gaping hole holding her together.
She barely exists around the edges of the abyss.
She is darker than anything they can conceive
but she can't let on
they already back away
they accept her boundaries
they allow her to push them away
they believe her words
they don't look into her eyes
they don't feel her skin
the cold
the bone chill that comes from her soul
they feel they are respecting her wishes
her space
they are killing her
they are letting her spiral further into the abyss
down she goes
she can't pull out
every thought is about the black
every breath is one less she has to take
every morning is a disappointment
every moment is a heartbreak
She needs help
She asks in so many ways
Some times even directly
but not strongly enough
certainly not her usual forthright way
it goes unheard
white noise
she crumples inside
She knows she needs to save herself
She doesn't know if she has the strength
She doesn't know if she wants to have the strength
She just wants relief
She wants to be erased
She is a mistake
This was all a mistake
Everything
Everything hurts
thinking
feelings
seeing
friends
being alone
talking
silence
giving space
claustrophobia
eating
keeping track of time
chores
everything is a pain in the ass
getting dressed
putting on shoes
one must always do something
Deconstruction
feel it
breathe it
feel it
live it
One must go on
One must present well
And then there are the children
And the lovers
who don't understand
and always do exactly the wrong thing
unintentionally
and we end up consoling them
when it's exactly the last thing we need
when we need it the least
and all we want to do is scream
alone
in a blank room
until we are hoarse
and no longer exist
No one can take care of me
Only I can take care of me
But I don't know how
I don't even know that I care to know
I'm tired
so tired
I pick 'em up and I put 'em down
Each day is one less I have to get through
Small blessings
Present Well.
They mean well.
A Heart Isn't Good Enough
Karma's dead
capitalism is laughing while picking over the remanants of the carcass
Sinews of do unto others
flossing the teeth
of capital gains
and bull markets
hippies dressed in tye dye
the air pungeant
with hemp
patchouli
natural body odours
and more hair in
3 cubic feet
than modern society is
comfortable with
picketing
the picketers
with bullhorns
trumpeting the message
that soft hearts
pave the way for the devil
any opening
is a dropped guard
against darkness
allowing Satan purchase
into your dominion
to wreak havoc
and tear your life to shreads
thusly
you get
everything you deserve
you filthy
unhuman
animal
you
are
going
straight
to
hell
regardless
of the good you have done
in this life
the kindnessess
the honesty you have lived by
the pains you have erased
the weights you have carried
for others
the love you have shown
the real love
you have shown
without thought to consequence
or remuneration
that came from one heart to another
the tears you shed for another's hurt
the hands you've held in the quiet dark
when no one else was looking
Somewhere the devil sneaked in
and the karma evaporated
and now it's all gone.
Chaos, Tumult, Depression, bad news.
The horsemen have arrived.
It's time to feed.
Ticks
Your eyes dig deep
into our past
asking for a future
your heart beats
loud
from across the room
we feel
each other
unspoken
the air fairly crackles
with the unspoken
screaming between
the want
filling the space
hands coming close
but not touching
the words dancing
around the truth
the want
growing
the skin
heating
the ache
filling
muscles clenching
Your eyes
grab me
from my gut
I want to grab back
I want to touch
I want
you
the same
I want
to feel
to taste
to smell
to touch
to sink
inside
to envelope
to wrap around
to evaporate
we
...
the air crackles
our skin heats
the clock ticks
voices rise
and fall
hands almost touch
your eyes still grab
from across the room
straight to my core
the episcentre of my being
you know where to strike
calculated aim
shivering quiver drawn
bow strung with
well placed words
arrows of desire launched
at times of least resistance
I must defend
while every sinew demands abandonment of post
I cannot
I am bound
aligned
committed
I do not abscond my duty
and so I sit
sentry
filled with my desire for you
the air electric
your eyes clutching at me
desperate for hope
seeking a life preserver
on the sea of ....
......us...............
the clock ticks
.....................
....................
...................
Your eyes
the air
our skin
my thoughts
your thoughts
the night
grows so long
and
the
clock
ticks
......
...
.
Windows
When you open me up
I rest myself in you
I am at peace
My muscles place themselves
softly
under yours
My eyes rest against yours
because
you are my shade
against the neon flicker
Your tongue
Brings a soft wet
intense
paradox
that renders me
vacuous jelly
you are my peace
I curl into you
Against the wind
Go On
Claws inserted
ripping
curling under tendons
finding purchase in my flesh
blood slickening their grasp
raspy thin legs
grating against my greying
once soft cells
talons hard
merciless
focused
clenching
pulling
wrenching
in one swift motion
life's intricate lines
once so taken for granted
unthought
now hanging bloody, dripping
visceral and lifeless
glistening in the cold sun
food for vultures
gluttony ensues
The Death Of Art
She switches gears recklessly
heedless of oncoming damage
uphill
downhill
grinding metal on metal
hand firmly clenched around the spherical knob
that held the power of velocity in her life
She holds
She held
past
meet present
ghostly flesh melting together
bone on bone
art rending flesh from blood
heart evaporating
in an instant
ash scattered in the afternoon air
unnoticed
sunlight unwitnessed
and so it goes
another ghost
We All Move Forward
I look outside and feel the snow hit the side of my frozen cheek
the furnace of my heart feeds the cacophony of my heartless brain
my feet spur me on through my pointless journey
ever pragmatic
scornful of my losses
the snow continues to fly
straight
hard and cold into my eyes
I squint instinctively
causing me to stumble and lose my footing
my brain relentless
as hard as the snow
flying straight into my eyes
I stumble
I flail in the onslaught
blinded in the oncoming flurry
the tears that form are frozen
cold on cold
a part of the assault from the inside out
I am my own worst enemy in my attempt at consolation
I seek relief
my brain in cold calculation
incessant circumspection
bloodless prognostication
will
not
stop
Hot heart
cold thoughts
frozen snow
I keep moving forward
I have no choice
I stumble
I move
I crawl
I claw my way through the ice
that encrusts my aching body
my blood barely above
the temperature of the ice
I am one
with the elements
We all move
forward
Inside The Diamond Shell
I live inside a diamond shell
a sparkle encrusted prismic hell
hold in your hand a beauteous thing
cut into shapes to form a ring
shaped and contorted from earth packed hard
burned past volcanic glasses shard
caught in the sun innocence enticed
my soul encaptured enraptured en-iced
the shards get hard, life marred, jarred,
layer after layer, the pressure grows
juxtapose, enclosed, a burning rose, suppose...
My thoughts.. of you... at odd angles
clawing for relief
screaming for release from the beauty encrusted
double sided prison
matron
maitre d'
servants to suggestion
suppostion
assumption
The diamond mine
mine
diamond
I'm
diamond
Prison
break
.
Back Tracks
Tick tock around the block
the heart still bleeds but the brain won't stopspeed the traina growing stainwhen blood is gone is there still painhold me downto the groundfeel the rumblehear the soundsteel on spineyour hand on mineI can't get up our time is upFlowers blowin frozen snowfrozen tears will flow for yearsno one knows the two who frozein time and steelwhat made them feelwho held whowhy did they dothe train still runseach morning comestwo souls stand by and watch them flytracks of bloodand gore and mudthe clean up crewcleaning twooff the trackstheir arms their backstheir lives their breathnow live in deathand still we hearthe train come nearthe tracks still runthe silence done.
Death Of Dreams
Clay
become clay
cold
hard
still
silent
breath
gone
pain
gone
potential
gone
tempestuous
gone
genius
gone
the past
forever
stands
memories
become
legend
the rats
battle
the bones
sink
the images
flicker
the heads
talk
we
drink
the day
sombre
the news
echoes
the glasses
clink
the boys
gather
the cats
snarl
we
cry
Dennis
rebel
genius
intense
unfettered
uncensored
unpredictable
irreverent
so
fucking
loved
missed
forever
glances
of eyes
frozen still
heartbeat
hot
heavy
passionate
captured
in frames
palpitation
palpable
between
photo
grapher
his
hers
lost
stuck
here
in my hands
my heart
feeling
that string
between two
others
intrusion
untintended
accidental
voyeur
hot
hearts
stopped
cold
ephemeral
threads
whisping
today
how long do the tendrils reach?
my mind
unbidden
wanders
wonders
unwanted
unwisely
I don't want to see
feel
I don't want these two
between us
I don't want
these
two
to
exist
scrub
erase
delete
expunge
surrounded
suddenly
that face
everywhere
smothering
me
mine
us
causing question
pain
unintentional
it has nothing
to
do
with
me
mine
us
is
now
.
.
.
.
Simple Cyber
My friend is late
I cannot wait
fucking cyber date
second rate
berate
myself.
WIP
I want you too much
to let go of the crutch
mine
yours
covered in open sores
It's hard on the soul
to always be told
you're not gold
pain bought & sold.
New Fires
Light a match
start from from scratch
Burn away
everything I knew
Before today
You are so new
Your truth is true
There is no past
To hamper today
Because you asked
It's all clean
No more string
You hold me fast
In your hand
There is no past
Oiseau
He called me exquisite
or something close to that
I didn't realize at the time
Our first meeting
Would be our last.
Out In the Cold-WIP
I can't write about you
because I was so wrong
I can't stop the sight of you
From stringing me along
I want to think you're lost
An overwhelming cost
But I can't erase
The feeling that's not the case.
I'm standing in the cold
My heart was bought then sold
There's nothing I can do
To stop these thoughts of you
Not that you'll ever know
How deeply I loved you so
The Sound
The Sound
was wonderful.
Interesing.
Captivating.
Timbre.
Tone.
Throaty
erogenous zone.
I think
I thought
my laugh
got caught
in yours
closed windows
open doors
August gone
fall comes on
strings attached
to other things
clipped wings
pendulum swings
shared intake
morning break
shared space
to see a face
A voice
begins
all over again
unknown ahead
what to be said
but the wonder
to hear
a voice
in my ear
after so long
and so much
gone wrong
a wonder today
a wonderful
way of what
may.
Went
You promised you wouldn't go
and you wentand now I'm contortedbroken and bentmy mind filled with chattertrying to make it not matterthe love I was giving is spentWhat was the pointyou madeit didn't even have timeto fadeit burned bright and hotturns out everything I thoughtwas notyou were notSo where do I gonowwhich way do I turnHow do I unstingHow do I unburnHow do I erase youUnchase you debase youHow do I unloveyou?
Edmonton Rain
I pulled out of Edmonton
In the pouring rain
And I thought of that boy
And his smile again
And I thought
"But what did it mean?"
That smile.
That rainy Edmonton smile.
M
She opens the door softly behind, but not softly enough to disperse the heat inside me that rises with her approach. A hand. On my shoulder. Soft. Kneading. Strong. Imparting further heat with every circular stroke along my sore and tired tendons. I sink. Backward. Into her hand. Releasing my tension to her. Those hands on my shoulders. My body awake under her command. The slide from one world to another accomplished in a touch. Her hands stroking, growing longer, caressing and pressing and going ever slower. I arch. I thrust. I ache for touch. Her fingers find. I close my mind and focus on dark. The spark. Her taste becomes mine. I swirl for this girl. I lose myself in her skin. I am hard against her soft. I lower. Go slower. Savour. Her flavour. Her taste. No haste. Intense between. Her knees. My wet. Her back. Our twine. Around and around we are lost. No time. No thought. Our bodies hot. Our minds aflame. There is no name. For this. We are. Just. Are. Soft. Melted. Skin against skin. Waiting. Still wet. Always wet. Wanting. Her hands. Her hands. In mine. Around mine. On mine. The touch. That begins. Again. Her hands.
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